A life without criticism

A life that is guaranteed struggle

Every generation looks at the next with a sense of despair, convinced that society is somehow in decline. It’s a pattern that has repeated for centuries—older generations lamenting that the youth lack discipline, resilience, or a proper work ethic. Whether it’s the Baby Boomers critiquing Millennials or Gen X wondering how Gen Z will survive in the real world, there’s always a distinct feeling that things are moving backwards rather than forwards. But is that really the case, or is it just the natural cycle of change?

In recent years, there’s been a noticeable shift in how young people are raised. Many have grown up in environments where criticism is rare, and effort is always praised, no matter the outcome. On the surface, this might seem like a positive change—why not build confidence and self-esteem? But the problem is, when people are never challenged, they don’t develop the resilience needed to navigate the real world. Without the ability to handle criticism, setbacks feel devastating, and without understanding the necessity of hard work, the idea of earning a living can seem unfair or even oppressive.

Jean Twenge, in her book iGen: Why Today's Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood, talks about how today’s young adults have been raised in a culture that prioritises self-esteem over effort. They’ve been taught to believe they are special just for existing, which sounds nice, but it creates a false sense of confidence. The reality is that success isn’t just handed out for participation. When these young people enter the workforce and suddenly face real expectations, it’s often a shock. They may struggle with feedback, take criticism personally, and feel disheartened when things don’t come easily.

One of the biggest issues with never receiving criticism is that it can lead to a sense of entitlement. If you’re always told you’re doing great, even when you’re not putting in effort, you start to expect rewards just for showing up. This is part of why we see so much frustration when young adults realise the working world doesn’t operate that way. Many grew up with participation trophies and parents who intervened at the first sign of struggle, making sure their child never felt discouraged. But without learning to handle failure, people don’t develop perseverance. The moment things get difficult—whether it’s a job, a relationship, or a personal challenge—they’re more likely to give up or blame external factors instead of pushing through.

David McClelland, a psychologist who studied motivation, pointed out that people who aren’t challenged early on often develop a mindset where they expect success without really earning it. This is a big reason why some young people today struggle with work ethic. Many believe that success should be immediate, that they should be rich or famous by 25, and that if they’re not, something must be wrong. They’ve grown up in an era where social media highlights only the best parts of people’s lives, making it look like success happens overnight. The long years of effort behind those success stories are often invisible. So when reality hits—when they have to take on a job that isn’t glamorous, or when they realise their passion project won’t pay the bills right away—it can feel like a personal failure rather than a normal part of life.

This expectation of easy success isn’t just about social media. Over the past couple of decades, there’s been a cultural shift away from traditional ideas of hard work. Some young people now see ambition and hustle as oppressive, rather than necessary. Of course, it’s great to want work-life balance and fair pay, but there’s also an underlying resistance to the idea that sometimes, you have to put in long hours or do things you don’t love to get where you want to be. Instead of seeing work as something to grow from, it’s often seen as something to escape. The Atlantic even noted that many young people today believe their job should always be fulfilling, and if it’s not, they’d rather quit than stick it out. But not every job is going to be someone’s dream role, especially early in a career. Learning to work hard even when a job isn’t perfect is part of what builds character and resilience.

A major issue that comes from never having been criticised is that it makes handling feedback incredibly difficult. In professional settings, constructive criticism is a normal part of growth. No one starts out perfect, and getting feedback is how people improve. But if someone has never had to face critique before, they can take even the mildest feedback as a personal attack. This isn’t their fault entirely—when you’ve only ever been praised, criticism feels unfamiliar and harsh. The problem is, workplaces aren’t built to shield people from reality. If you can’t handle being told that your work needs improvement, you’ll struggle to grow in any career. Jonathan Haidt, in The Coddling of the American Mind, talks about how this lack of resilience can make it hard for young people to adapt in environments where toughness and adaptability are essential.

Ironically, shielding people from criticism and struggle hasn’t made them happier—it’s often done the opposite. Anxiety and depression rates have been rising, and a big part of that is because many young adults don’t have the coping skills to deal with setbacks. Research has shown that those who experience small challenges early in life develop better stress management skills later on. On the other hand, people who are protected from failure and criticism tend to struggle more when they inevitably face adversity. The Journal of Adolescent Health even reported that young adults who were never exposed to criticism growing up tend to have higher anxiety levels when faced with failure.

So what’s the solution? It’s not about going to the extreme and making life unnecessarily hard, but there needs to be a balance. Kids and young adults need to experience constructive criticism so they can learn from it. They need to understand that failure isn’t the end of the world, but rather a chance to improve. There also has to be a shift in how work is viewed—not as something to escape, but as something that, when approached with the right mindset, can be fulfilling in its own way. Carol Dweck’s work on the growth mindset has shown that people who embrace challenges and see criticism as a tool for improvement are more likely to succeed in the long run. If young people can learn to take feedback, work through challenges, and develop a strong work ethic, they’ll be much better prepared for adulthood.

The bottom line is that life doesn’t hand out trophies for just showing up. Real success comes from effort, resilience, and the ability to take criticism without crumbling. If we want future generations to thrive, we need to bring back the idea that working hard and handling feedback aren’t just good skills to have—they’re essential for navigating life.